Charlie’s #MomentsInTransition | Day 53

It feels silly looking back on the past. Especially when you have worked so hard to hide the details of it for so long. I remember the absolute need to dress in women’s clothing, and the desperation to make sure nobody ever found out. And if someone did, it was quickly wiped away as a dare or someone else’s idea. But now that I am at long last starting my journey at age 43, and contemplating how much time I have lost not being my authentic self, I also have to remind myself of what I have gained in that time which I would not have done otherwise.

I gained a strong and supportive wife. My best friend for more than half my life already. A woman who would do absolutely anything to make me happy without much thought for her own happiness. A woman who for some inexplicable reason I was too afraid to tell who or what I am for so long. Fear that her image of me would somehow change. Fear that she would find me disgusting and leave. Fear that I would lose my best friend. But also ultimately because I truly believed I was a deviant somehow.

I could not have been more wrong. Since the moment she learned the truth her love has only grown more. In fact I don’t think it has ever been this strong. Yes, it didn’t come without a whole bunch of bumps and bruises. Some of which will take time to heal. But I misjudged her terribly. My own fears, which kept me from being me, also almost ruined our relationship irreparably.

We (she and I) still have a long road to walk along my journey, which is just beginning. And no doubt we will both be tested along the way. But I could not have prayed for a better partner, a better friend, than the woman who has stood right next to me all this time.

For my #transformationtuesday I just want to thank my wife (@deeplymadly2019) for being there. For doing this with me. For always looking at me with adoration in her eyes. May we both find strength for the journey ahead.

Ps. The pic on the left is probably 20 or so years ago.

charlie.mtf

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers I am a 44yo transgender woman (pre-HRT) documenting my journey, and sharing the tips that worked for me to date.

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