Charlie’s #MomentsInTransition | Day 228
Hiya! My name is Charlie. A far cry from my dead name, which was a double-barrel mess. But, without delay, here is my introduction post.
I have been out since April this year. It is day 228 of my transition pre-HRT in a country which until a month ago had no trans clinics, limited support forums, and an all round lack of public information about the trans experience in general. Although our constitution protects against discrimination in any form, the reality is very different, and so much of the #trans community are in hiding. Silent. Isolated.
Finding #community on Instragram is the best thing that has happened to me. Being able to hear everyone’s stories, read about their struggles, celebrate in their successes, has allowed me to grow and become comfortable very quickly. There is a lot of power in being able to anticipate struggles before you even thought about them, just by experiencing it through other people. All this has allowed me to #transition all the way into femme mode at work, long before I am even able to start #hormones, with some degree of comfort and self-acceptance. And for that I have to thank all my #friendsandfollowers for all the support they have shown.
I am 43, soon to be 44, and have to be really careful to avoid thinking of all the time I have lost not living #authentic. But perhaps there is some benefit to starting a transition at my age. I am calmer. I have a thicker skin. And I know exactly what I want to achieve in life. That doesn’t mean that I am not overcome with emotions, depressive days, thoughts of giving up, and an overall sense of FEAR. But I have determination. A very strong will to move my existence forward in a direction where I am happier and more complete.
For those who have only had brief interactions with me, or not at all, be WARNED. I am in LOVE with talking. If I start chatting to you, you will need to find excuses to avoid me, because I don’t stop. I latch onto people whom I find best match my own personality, or parts thereof. I love humor. I love intellectual discussions. And I love love love being silly. But what I love most of all, is making other people feel good about themselves, even if that means spending the entire time just talking about them and how wonderful they are (if you don’t believe me, ask @rawjewlz or @lexi_atlast). Further warning though, if you do manage to turn the conversation to be about me, WATCH OUT. She has issues. When the flood gates open, they OPEN! So if you are easily triggered, just allow me to talk about you instead. It’s safer.
* I love playing PS4 (but have never finished a single game)
* I love writing (but have not finished my ‘short-story’ in 7 years)
* I love eating … no comment
* I love chatting (online)
* I hate/fear groups of people (in rl)
* I love attention (online)
* I hate attention (in rl)
* I hate loud music (in rl)
* I love painting/drawing
* I love being social (online)
* I hate being social (in rl)
* I am a walking contradiction
* I AM AN EMotioNAL MESS
I want to be part of everything. Desperate to make any connections.
When you next encounter me … say ‘Hi’. And if you live in #SouthAfrica, let’s do more than say ‘Hi’. Ok?