A quick self-reflection

TRIGGER WARNING!!!

I’ve gone quiet again;
The walls are closing in;
I am disgusting;
I am a deviant that no one can possibly love;
I can’t even love myself;
The only way out … is escape;
Escape from life;
Escape from this body;
Escape from this mind …

AND THEN I WOKE UP.
Still here;
Still in this mind;
This body;
THIS FACE!

I could not even do this right …

——————————

November 2018 was my ultimate low point. And April 2019 I would contemplate it again, except, life intervened as it so often does. And instead of taking a razor to my throat … something snapped … and I shaved my legs instead. And my life completely changed.

The last few months has been a rollercoaster 🎢 but I would not change it for anything. Finally I can be the person I’ve always been. Finally I can express myself. Finally I can slowly start to love myself.

I did not want to talk or think about my low point. But my initial attempt to avoid @alexis_atlast post failed, and I forced myself to read it. And suddenly found myself back there.

Back there; who I was; who I tried to be; and failed. And I’m glad I’m still here. Glad for my next chapter. Scared! But glad!

Thank you for sharing @alexis_atlast 💋💕
#jewlzstories #betrue2me #transgendersouthafrica

charlie.mtf

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers I am a 44yo transgender woman (pre-HRT) documenting my journey, and sharing the tips that worked for me to date.

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